感情長久的注意要點(diǎn)
怎么才能讓一段感情長久呢?來看看吧!
1. Respect:If you don't, you have no chance at real, lasting intimacy (in my not-so-humble opinion). If you respect yourself, just double it. Don't just talk about it either—this is an action item. Respect is not a feeling; it's a way of behaving!
尊重:如果你不尊重他人,你就沒有機(jī)會(huì)獲得真正而持久的親密關(guān)系(恕我直言)。如果你尊重你自己,那么你就要雙倍尊重他人。但不要只是口頭上說說而已——這是要靠行動(dòng)表達(dá)的。尊重不是一種感覺,而是一種行為方式!
2. Responsible communication:You get to choose from every word in the English language (or whatever language you share) in whatever tone you choose tocommunicate your thoughts and feelings to another, so choose carefully. You have no one to blame if you don't tell the truth or say what you want. My teacher says, "We are always doing one of two things; creating separation or connection."What is your intention?
可靠的溝通:與他人交流想法、表達(dá)感受,不論要用何種語調(diào),從英語語言(或者你使用的任何語言)中選擇哪個(gè)字詞,其決定權(quán)都在你手上,所以一定要謹(jǐn)慎選擇。如果你沒有說實(shí)話或者說明你想要什么,那你就不能責(zé)備任何人。我的一位老師說過:“我們總是在做著以下兩件事之中的一件:形成隔閡或建立聯(lián)系。”你打算怎么做呢?
3. Integrity:Do what you say you're going to do, when you say you're going to do it, as often as humanly possible. Nobody trusts a flake, nor does anyone want their vulnerable hearts to be in the care of one. If you love and respect someone, ACT like it!
誠實(shí):當(dāng)你說你打算要做什么的時(shí)候,你就要盡自己的一切可能,做到言出必行。沒有人會(huì)信任一個(gè)反復(fù)無常的人,也不會(huì)有人希望把他們脆弱的心靈托付給言而無信的人。如果你愛某人,尊敬他/她,就要以行動(dòng)表示!
4. Compatibility:If you are mad about the outdoors, can't live without reality TV, are a screaming liberal, or abhor people who over-accessorize or don't keep up on current events, then you probably wouldn't want to hang out with…me, for example. Just because someone has good energy doesn't mean you can do well together in real life. Watch what people do, not only what they say. Make sure they match or you'll be sadly disappointed, eventually bored, and even resentful. There are 7 billion people on the planet—check some more of them out and quit trying to make a person someone they are not!
相容性:如果你瘋狂熱衷戶外活動(dòng),離開了電視真人秀節(jié)目就活不下去,是一個(gè)徹頭徹尾的自由主義者,厭惡別人打扮得過于花枝招展,討厭別人對(duì)當(dāng)前時(shí)事一無所知,那么你可能不會(huì)愿意同某些人在一起,比如說……我。就因?yàn)槟橙四芰Τ霰?并不意味著你們?cè)诂F(xiàn)實(shí)生活中能和睦相處。要觀察人們做些什么,而不僅僅是他們說些什么。確認(rèn)他們和你是一路人,不然你就會(huì)相當(dāng)失望,最后感到無趣甚至憎惡。在這個(gè)星球上生活著70億人——多觀察一些人,而且不要試圖徹底改造別人!
5. Compassion:Walked a mile in their shoes, have you? I recommend, before you think you know whatever you think you know about the person you say you love, one of the most loving acts of all: understand as much as you want to be understood. Old adage for a reason. "Cause it's a damn good one!"
將心比心:要設(shè)身處地為他人著想,你能做到嗎?我建議,在你對(duì)你說你愛的人自以為有多了解之前,最濃烈的'表達(dá)愛意的行動(dòng)之一就是:如同你有多么渴望被人了解一樣,你應(yīng)該多多去了解別人。這老話說得好。“因?yàn)樗媸翘昧?”
6. Expectations:The fastest way to get back to love in any relationship is to want nothing.Try it. No one is responsible for your happiness or anything else, unless expressly agreed to.
期望:在一切感情關(guān)系中,想要重回愛河最快的方式莫過于一無所求。僅此而已,別無其他。試試吧!沒有人需要對(duì)你的快樂或其他什么負(fù)責(zé),除非他/她清楚地表達(dá)過此類想法。
7. Consciousness agreements:One of my all-time favorites. Let people know what's important to you up front. As soon as possible, in fact. In any relationship the time to negotiate is up front, not after you are in deep! Two of my "needs" (if you can call them that) in a friendship are that a) we don't make unilateral decisions about ending the friendship, and b) if we have a problem we bring it to the other person as soon aspossible. What are your non-negotiables?
觀念協(xié)議:這一直是我的最愛之一。讓人們預(yù)先知道對(duì)你來說什么才是重要的。實(shí)際上,越快越好。在任何一段交往關(guān)系中,得把原則性問題說在前,而不是等問題出現(xiàn)之后再來討價(jià)還價(jià)!我在一段友情之中的兩大“需求”(如果你能這么稱呼的話)就是:1) 我們?cè)诮K結(jié)友情這一問題上絕不單方面做出決定;2) 如果出現(xiàn)了問題,我們要盡快向另一方提出商議。你們的原則性問題又是什么呢? These tools and skills have helped me immeasurably over the years and I rely on them all, as they are responsible for helping me maintain the loving, healthy relationships I have today! Remember, relationships take work; they are not just "add water" and people are not disposable. They are precious blessings, and in their presence I feel blessed to keep on my path to becoming the best version of myself, as well as have the privilege to witness target=_blank class=infotextkey>witness those I love do the same!
多年以來,這些手段和技巧帶給我無法估量的幫助。全靠這些方法,讓我維系好我現(xiàn)在所擁有的忠實(shí)而健康的感情關(guān)系!記住,感情需要經(jīng)營,不僅僅是“澆點(diǎn)水”那么簡(jiǎn)單,別人也不是“用完即棄的”。感情是珍貴的福祉,身在其中,我覺得自己很幸運(yùn),能繼續(xù)不斷追求完美的自我,同時(shí)還有幸看到那些我所愛的人們也紛紛效法!