辦公室白領(lǐng)應(yīng)戒掉愛聽表揚(yáng)的習(xí)慣
How do you know if you're doing a good job at work? Do you rely on praise and constant feedback from your manager as a barometer of your performance?
你怎么知道自己工作做得好不好?你是不是依賴?yán)习宓谋頁P(yáng)和頻繁的反饋來衡量自己的工作表現(xiàn)?
If so, you might be one of your boss' pet peeves. Supervisors are already stretched thin, often working two or three people's jobs when a few years ago they were just doing one.
如果真是這樣，你可能就成了老板的煩心事了。管理者非常忙，現(xiàn)在的工作量常常是過去兩、三個(gè)人的量。
"It's exhausting for your boss," says Peggy Klaus, an executive coach and author of The Hard Truth About Soft Skills. "They don't have the time ... to have to constantly reassure you."
《軟技能的硬道理》一書作者兼高管教練佩吉-克勞斯說：“這種事讓老板非常勞神，他們沒時(shí)間......不斷地來安慰你。”
Millennial generation workers, those born in the last two decades of the last millennium, are notorious for having been raised in a praise-heavy environment where every soccer player gets a medal and every child is special. Indeed, a 2010 research paper by psychology professors Jean M. Twenge and Joshua D. Foster found that 30% of today's college students scored as narcissistic on the Narcissistic Personality Inventory vs. just 19% in the early 1980s.
80后、90后員工(小編注：英語中的千禧世代指的是1982-2001年之間出生的人，又稱為Y世代;2001年之后出生的'叫做Z世代，也叫網(wǎng)絡(luò)世代)是在表揚(yáng)聲中長大的，這些年輕人每個(gè)人都會(huì)得獎(jiǎng)，每個(gè)孩子都與眾不同。事實(shí)上，心理學(xué)教授簡-特溫格和約書亞-福斯特在2010年進(jìn)行的一項(xiàng)研究發(fā)現(xiàn)，當(dāng)今30%的大學(xué)生在自戀人格表中被歸為自戀者，遠(yuǎn)高于上世紀(jì)80年代中期的比例。
But young workers are hardly the only guilty parties when it comes to craving kind words. "Everyone likes to get praised," Klaus says. "Eventually, you need to feel good from the inside. You have to build up your own reserves of self-esteem."
但是愛聽好話的人群并不只有年輕員工這一個(gè)群體。“每個(gè)人都喜歡得表揚(yáng)，”克勞斯說。“歸根結(jié)底，要從內(nèi)心感覺良好，你必須建立起自尊。”
Casey Cowden, 22, describes herself as a puppy asking to have her head rubbed when she brings her latest accomplishment to the assistant manager in her department at the Charleston County (S.C.) Parks and Recreation Commission. "I really love hearing when I'm doing a good job," says Cowden, who doesn't feel that school prepared her for how to behave in the workplace. "It's affirmation that I'm actually a decent person and I'm doing okay."
22歲的凱西-考登講述她向查爾斯頓公園與休閑委員會(huì)的部門副經(jīng)理匯報(bào)工作成就的情形時(shí)，她覺得自己就像一條小狗，渴望主人來輕輕拍她的頭。“我真的很喜歡聽別人說，我做得很棒，”考登說，她并不認(rèn)為，學(xué)校教授了她在工作場合應(yīng)該怎么做。“這些表揚(yáng)證明我是一個(gè)很不錯(cuò)的人，工作也合格。”
For praise junkies like Cowden, career experts suggest a few steps to break the habit.
對于像考登這樣要表揚(yáng)上癮的人, 職業(yè)專家建議采取以下步驟改掉這個(gè)壞習(xí)慣。
Praise yourself, privately. Instead of waiting for another person to pat you on the back, keep your own file of accomplishments and kudos, says Kathryn Ullrich, a Silicon Valley-based recruiter and author of Getting to the Top. That may be an email from a satisfied customer or a colleague's recommendation on LinkedIn, but even better is your own record of meeting specific goals you set for yourself. You may want to set up a time log, calendar, or checklist to keep track of your accomplishments. When you need a boost, look over your file to refresh your memory.
私下表揚(yáng)自己。不要等其他人拍著你的后背鼓勵(lì)你，硅谷獵頭、《職場登頂》作者凱瑟琳-烏爾里克桌，自己可以記錄好個(gè)人成就和出色表現(xiàn)。 這些記錄可以是來自一名滿意顧客的郵件，或是同事在商務(wù)社交網(wǎng)站LinkedIn上的推薦，但達(dá)到自己設(shè)定目標(biāo)的記錄更好。你可以保存一個(gè)時(shí)間文件、日歷或項(xiàng)目清單來記錄自己取得的成就。當(dāng)你需要振作一下的時(shí)候，看看自己記錄的這個(gè)文件，重溫一遍成功的記憶。
"Like an infant learning how to pacify himself, you should learn to give yourself credit instead of looking to others to give you the confidence, the self-esteem, the self-respect," Klaus says.
克勞斯說：“就像嬰兒學(xué)習(xí)如何讓自己平靜下來，人們應(yīng)當(dāng)學(xué)會(huì)如何相信自己，而不是等他人給你信心和自尊。”
Learn to bite your tongue. The first step is admitting you have a problem. The second is setting up behavioral cues and reminders to stop you from seeking praise. Maybe that's a post-it note on your desk or a stop sign drawn on the margin of your notebook before you go into your weekly one-on-one with your boss. Do whatever it takes to make you think twice.
學(xué)會(huì)在適當(dāng)?shù)臅r(shí)候閉上嘴巴。第一步是承認(rèn)自己有問題。第二步是設(shè)定行為信號(hào)和提示，防止自己尋求表揚(yáng)。比如，在自己的桌子上貼上即時(shí)貼，或者是在你和你老板進(jìn)行一對一周度會(huì)談前在筆記本上畫上禁止符號(hào)。盡可能三思而后行。
Replace praise with regular contact. Perhaps you don't have a regular meeting with your supervisor. Now is a good time to request one. If you have a consistent opportunity to report your progress on projects, you may have less of a hankering for praise, says Bruce Tulgan, a New Haven, Conn.-based consultant and author of Not Everyone Gets a Trophy.
用定期聯(lián)系代替表揚(yáng)�；蛟S，你和老板沒有安排定期的會(huì)面�，F(xiàn)在是提出要求的好時(shí)機(jī)。如果你定期有機(jī)會(huì)匯報(bào)項(xiàng)目進(jìn)展，或許就不會(huì)那么渴望獲得表揚(yáng)，康涅狄格州紐海文咨詢師《不是人人都能奪冠》的作者布魯斯-塔爾干表示。
"We call it self-reporting rather than bragging," says Tulgan, who tested a number of solutions to the praise problem and found that regular meetings -- along with clear goals and benchmarks -- can work wonders. "You'd be amazed at how self-sufficient the young praise junkies become."
“我們將這稱為主動(dòng)匯報(bào)，而不是自夸，”塔爾干表示，他測試過很多解決表揚(yáng)問題的方案，發(fā)現(xiàn)定期會(huì)面、同時(shí)結(jié)合明確的目標(biāo)與標(biāo)準(zhǔn)，可以取得很好的效果。“你肯定吃驚，這些年輕的表揚(yáng)迷們可以變得多么自立。”
Celebrate someone else's success. Another surprising remedy: giving praise to a colleague or group of peers. "It has a lot of positive effect," Tulgan says. Not only does sharing your appreciation improve your coworkers' mood and self-esteem, it may encourage them to pay more close attention to your performance and return the favor in the future.
祝賀他人的成功。另外一個(gè)出人意料的處方是，表揚(yáng)某個(gè)同事或某一些同事。“這樣做有很多正面效果，”塔爾干說。說出你的贊賞，不僅能讓同事心情大好，更加自信，還能鼓勵(lì)他們更緊密地關(guān)注你的表現(xiàn)，同時(shí)在未來做出相應(yīng)的回報(bào)。
If you're still unconvinced that praise addiction is a problem you need to solve, consider the effect that your neediness has on the people around you at work.
如果你仍然不相信表揚(yáng)癮是一個(gè)需要解決的問題，不妨想一想在工作中，你的這項(xiàng)需求對周圍的人產(chǎn)生了什么樣的影響。
"Instead of making people like you and ingratiating yourself, you're doing the exact opposite," Klaus says. "No one wants to manage you. No one wants to be on a team with you because you're such an energy suck ... It makes you seem very young and very immature."
“這樣做不會(huì)讓人們喜歡你，迎合你，結(jié)果正好相反，”克勞斯說。“沒人想管你。沒人想和你在一個(gè)團(tuán)隊(duì)里，因?yàn)槟闶秦?fù)能量...這種行為讓你看起來很幼稚，很不成熟。”
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